The Benefits of Adding Sex Toys to the Bedroom: A Therapist’s (and Former Sex Educator’s) Perspective
Why Sex Toys Aren’t Just for “Spicing Things Up”
As a therapist and former sex educator, I often hear from clients who are curious about adding sex toys to their intimate lives—but also hesitant. Common concerns include, “What if my partner feels replaced?” or “Isn’t that only for people with a low sex drive or who have trouble with orgasms?”
Let’s clear the air: sex toys are not a sign of dysfunction or desperation. They’re a tool—a powerful, pleasurable one—that can support connection, exploration, and healing.
Here’s why introducing sex toys to your bedroom might be one of the healthiest choices you make for your relationship (and yourself).
1. Enhanced Communication and Intimacy
Using toys together encourages open dialogue about desires, boundaries, and turn-ons. These conversations, while potentially vulnerable, often lead to deeper trust and intimacy.
Therapist Tip: Try asking your partner, “What’s something you’ve always been curious to try, but never felt comfortable bringing up?” Introducing a toy can be a shared adventure, not a solo mission.
2. More Pleasure, Less Pressure
For individuals and couples alike, sex toys can reduce performance anxiety. They help shift the focus from "doing it right" to feeling good. As Emily Nagoski, PhD reminds us “Pleasure is the measure” for good sex. For partners dealing with mismatched libidos, sexual dysfunction, or stress-related challenges, toys can help close the gap gently and playfully.
3. Support for Sexual Wellness at All Life Stages
Whether you're navigating postpartum recovery, menopause, chronic pain, or simply aging, toys can adapt your sex life to your body’s changing needs. Vibrators, lubricants, and ergonomic designs can make intimacy more accessible and enjoyable at any stage of life.
4. Empowerment Through Self-Knowledge
Solo play with toys is a healthy and empowering way to explore your own body. Knowing what feels good can make partnered experiences more satisfying—and makes communicating those desires much easier.
5. Expanding Your Erotic Repertoire
Sex toys can open the door to new sensations and fantasies that you might not access through traditional intimacy alone. This doesn't mean replacing your partner—it means expanding the menu.
Examples:
A vibrator during partnered sex can enhance clitoral stimulation.
A remote-controlled toy can add playful anticipation during a date night.
Massage wands can be used for both relaxation and erotic touch.
How to Choose the Right Toy (Without Feeling Overwhelmed)
The sex toy market can feel like a maze, especially if you’re new to it. Here are some beginner-friendly tips:
Start simple. You don’t need 15 settings and Bluetooth connectivity to start exploring.
Prioritize body-safe materials. Look for medical grade silicone, ABS plastic, glass, or stainless steel—especially from reputable brands.
Read reviews or get therapist-approved suggestions. Avoid novelty items that prioritize appearance over safety and function.
My Trusted Recommendations
As a therapist who understands both emotional safety and sexual wellness, I only recommend brands and products I trust. Here are a few of my go-to suggestions for clients:
🛒 Lelo – A brand I have trusted for almost two decades for their beautiful designs, top quality materials, and long lasting products. I personally own a piece that is still going strong after 17 years. Their site even has a quiz to help you figure out which products are right for you in case getting started feels overwhelming.
🛒 We Vibe – Perfect for couples looking to share the pleasure.
🛒 Sliquid – Body-safe and enhances every kind of play.
Note: These are not affiliate links—I recommend what I believe in.
Removing Shame From Pleasure
Too often, we carry shame around sexuality—especially when it comes to seeking pleasure for ourselves. But here’s the truth: pleasure is not a luxury. It’s a part of your wellness.
Adding sex toys to your bedroom doesn’t mean your relationship is broken. It means you’re invested in growing, evolving, and experiencing joy together. And that’s something to celebrate.
Want Support Exploring This Topic?
If you’re curious about how to introduce toys into your relationship—or want a safe space to unpack shame, anxiety, or trauma around sex, our therapists would be honored to work with you. As a licensed therapist and former sex educator, I ensure that all our clinicians bring a sex-positive, nonjudgmental approach to every conversation.